[this is a ramble post. You do not have to read it, I am giving you a prior warning]
Easter is almost over, in three days time I will return to university. I guess this Easter hasn't been the best but when is Easter ever great? Easter = Revision = Hell! But this year it has been much more concentrated solely on work. My friends, myself and my brother. If only work could be "fun". *sigh*
I am ever so behind on my work. I constantly remind myself to work but yet I still procrastinate. I'm aggravated, I do not understand why I am so tempted to media websites. I clearly understand I have work to do but there is a voice inside me that says it's alright. It is NOT okay. I must work or I will fail my exams. I do not accept failure very well, my internship and applications have not had a fine turn out but I at least still want to perfect well in my exams. It is the one thing I have control over. Only I can determine this outcome. I, myself is the only barrier.
It agitates me even more where I constantly remind myself that I will apply for jobs and internships that are still live. BUT instead it's all thoughts and no actions. Is it too early to think what I want to do with my life? Is God telling me a sign? Is he teaching me a lesson? That perseverance is the real lesson? Overcoming obstacles? I need to need to need to get into shape.
Is it selfish to say I want to rich? I admit I love money, I was told at a young age I loved money. I chose to ignore it because naive as I was I believed that the value of life was not determined by jewels. I accept the thought because having travelled to China and experiencing a simple lifestyle; I agree happiness can be achieved very simply, money cannot buy happiness. But money can BUY a lifestyle and living. I come from a humble family, my parents are humble but they are strong. Though I may not understand their financial crisis, I understand the difficulty in paying off their debts in this terrible financial economy. The stress they experience compared to my work stress leaves mine as a minority. Another reason why I am agitated with myself. I want to make a change for my parents, I want to provide them with a better life but I don't know where to start.
As these tears tremble down, I ask myself: am I not capable to make this change?
1 comment:
Hello, I personally believe that the desire for money is fine, I plan to be plenty well off. For me the real issue is where that desire comes from. If it comes from a place of fear of not achieving, not having, not doing it will lead to a very turbulent emotional life and often disappointment. But if it comes from a place of security, knowing that you are inherently fine, inherently worthy and essentially satisfied in your soul, that is an ideal platform to launch your dreams. Running towards the light is better than running away from darkness.
I hope that helps :) x
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